The Straight Hitting Groundsman Part Two

The Straight Hitting Groundsman pulls no punches

So with no cricket at the ground and one bored Groundsman I thought I could inject a bit of new seed into the outfield as it’s not had anything done with it since 1977 when the playing field was made.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a number of years but due to work, and the older gentlemen at the club saying, it’s still green isn’t it, I’ve never really had the green light to do it, but with cricket cancelled I thought this would be an ideal time.

I would prefer to plough it up and start again, but I can’t see that happening any time soon. So with that in mind I rang my farmer friend who came with a tractor and grass harrow and pulled some of the dead stuff out, he then put five bags of seed on, and then went round with a drag mat, closely followed with a roller. I know this isn’t the method I would of preferred but unfortunately with no cricket on the horizon, and the club telling me to watch what I spend, my options are limited. But all I have seemed to of done is create an all you can eat buffet for passing pigeons. I know it will come good at some point, but we desperately need some wet stuff up here!! Had a little sprinkling of the stuff in 9 weeks!!

Now I’m getting a little pressure of one of the lads that helps me with the ground, and he keeps saying to me about why I haven’t mentioned him!! ( for the purpose of this blog we will call him my number 2) If you’ve been to our ground we have the main cricket ground and then the football pitch that backs onto it, so at the end of football season my number 2 will do his best to make it into a cricket field! This is mainly for our thirds on a Saturday! (my number 2 is captain of the thirds by the way)

 This is done with a bit of loam, some seed, water, and a vibrating roller! It always plays reasonably well but trust me if any club had a Brett lee or Curtly Ambrose and was marking there run up on their, you’d be running for a suit of armour! or pulling a hammy!  But credit where it is due, it won most improved ground last year, and they gave him a big F*ck off trophy for his efforts!

Now most normal people put their trophy on a mantel piece, or a display. But I’m sure I saw him a few weeks ago with it ratchet strapped to his roof rack driving around the local villages! I wouldn’t stand up in a court of law and say it was defiantly my number 2, but it looked just like the picture of it that I get sent most days.

Now my number 2 (groundsman) is a proper club man, unfortunately I’ve seen more cricket ability in some of the yummy mummy’s than him, but bless him, he still thinks he’s somewhat of the Brian Lara of the club when it comes to batting, however  without him doing the thirds pitch and getting a team, I know there wouldn’t be one, so you have to take your hat off to him for that.

Now for some reason my number 2 has a remarkable ability to cut grass in a straight line! Something that with my massive OCD is a must to go on the main pitch! So last year I was busy at work and gave him the task of getting there early to give the outfield and square a trim before a game that started at 11. I managed to pop up during dinner to see how he’d got on.

well what I saw was somewhat of a very proud number 2 as what I can only imagine a naked Ron Jeremy would look like stood there before a porno shoot. He was lapping up the attention and loving the praise he was getting for how the ground looked! Since then he’s done a couple of first team games and the lads will send me pictures of him talking to the umpires and opposition as though he’s the big di*k in town. You’ve got to love a number 2, and I hope he’s happy that he’s now got a mention!

I obviously let my number 2 have a read of this blog before I sent it, and he seemed to see the funny side of it, and then he said to me “I was dreading you were goanna put something in about the boundary rope” what an idiot!, I’d forgotten all about it!! so let me set the scene. last year when the brand new (Pain in the arse!) brilliant white rope arrived at the ground we were a little bit excited to see what it would look like!

It seemed to take us about a full day to get the bloody thing unwrapped and around the ground, but once it was out it look quite magnificent in the summer sun! we sat on the balcony with a beer in hand and praised each other on what had seemed like a massive task! I can’t remember where I went, but I left my number 2 to put things away and lock up. Next day we had a game on and I turned up early to give the pitch a trim and put the stumps in before work. On casting my eye over the ground and looking at the brilliant white rope in the morning sunshine, I could see that something at the far side didn’t look right, so I had a wander over to see what had happened to it. It looked to me like someone has had it caught it in a lawn mower? So, the moral to this story is, don’t leave grass cutting equipment with a number 2!!! Once you’re not looking, they will see how close they can get to it without cutting it! and once they have failed miserably! That rope will never be the same again!!

Can I just say that my number 2 is in no way referring to a sh*t in any way!! I just wanted to clear that up so I don’t have an upset number 2!

Remember fellow groundsman, stay safe and look after your health! you don’t want the tea ladies or church warden cutting your grass!

James

Also if you have time today, take a look at our other blog from the isolated Groundsman Chris Johnson(out today)Chris talks of his own experiences of verticutting-

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